Is it better to surrender blindly or keep passion at bay. Well, in my opinion, it is probably better and safer to keep it at bay. Kick it to the curb if it’s too much trouble, untie the strings, enjoy freedom, keep it from entering the small little dark room inside. But..Ive never been one to follow advice, even my own. And so, the biggest risk I took was stepping off the plane.
I let everything that was wound up tightly slowly unravel. Let myself lay like a child next to his blue plaid shirt, believed it all again..I built new dreams. I forgave. Nail by nail we rebuilt a shelter. Swallowed my fears that he would turn off again to me. I took the prize for its face value, with millions or nothing..over wine and candles or tears and rum. I wanted that arm on mine. I wanted his good, bad and ugly.
That last morning before the sun came up..I sat in the low corner of our room, looked out at the snow blanketed driveway..and pictured him walking toward me as an old man. Me waiting his arrival. Yes, I let myself flash-forward. I had never flash forwarded in my life!
Now he will walk down that driveway to someone else, walk in the door one night across from a different pretty face at our table. He will forget the nights he had nothing but my voice. Truth is both my legs were broken.
I was cut out quicker than a prostitute with a cashed check in hand.
Being blinded again by that familiar arm, watching his façade go to pieces..watching all of the routines, the promises, the dreams go in a flash again.. I realized that the ride was all mine.
And so I may be in a cast, but the blind passionate memories are good memories.. And getting off the plane was worth my heart flash forwarding. It meant I had hope.
So risk..it can be a good thing, but prepare the bandages beforehand.